CHIP CHAT

Hello, Friends - 

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been busy enjoying summer, pounding beers and bangin’ chicks. Not really. I’ve just been bangin’ chips. I’ve spent all summer tryin’ to get my chip-greasy fingies into a nice young lady. Maybe chip dust stings down there, I don’t know. All I know is: you sluts are bein’ real stingy with the snizz.

But I digress. This is about the chips, not the snizz. My friend Amy went on a vacation to a town called Europe and brought these weird Lay’s that I’ve never seen before: Poulet Roti et Thym. I did some research and “Poulet Roti et Thym” is actually canadian for “Roast Chicken and Thyme.” Now, usually I would say that Lay’s are fucking horseshit and open a bag of real chips but this flavor intrigued me. Also, Amy dragged these fucking things across the ocean for me so I didn’t want her to think I was ungrateful and her last gift to me was a mixed CD with that piece of shit Paul McCartney christmas song on it, so I gave her a chance to redeem herself. She totally did.

My first taste almost knocked me over. How the fuck did all this flavor get into this mouthful of chips!? It tasted like Thanksgiving! It was probably just chicken fat mixed with dried thyme, but it tasted AMAZING! I immediately thought about all the time I’ve wasted waiting for thanksgiving dinners to be prepared. I could have just been splitting a bag of chips with my family every year for thanksgiving. Ideal holiday dinner: In, chips, out. 10 minutes. My family could have been spared so many episodes of me drunkenly spraying pieces of food mixed with various vulgarities from my mouth. Hopefully they still like me. If you can get your hands on some of these chips, do it. 

 Two more days of summer left. I’m gonna go down the street and see if I can find some fur to stir. Or just go to bed. Fuck everyone.

CHIPS,

Gary