CHIP CHAT

Good Evening, Errvryone - 

I have tomorrow off and I figured I’d stay in and catch up on sleep. So here I am, curled up on my couch with a bag of salty-as-fuck Terrell’s Barbecue chips. I was thinking that I really don’t have to review different types of chips for this little piece of internet, I could also relate my life experiences where chips are involved. Tonight is one of those nights I’d like to share.

So, I’m sitting here catching up on my stories and these fucking commercials keep coming on for these reality shows about fucking ghost hunters, ghost adventures, storm chasers, icicle roads and other fuckface shows and I’m thinking I could come up with about 40 better shows in one day. I’m a goddamn gold mine of reality television ideas. 

Here’s how I would pitch my first idea:

Me: “Ok… Two guys and a cameraman troll the streets of big cities, grab rare hats from people’s heads, mash their naked dickmeat in them, put them back on the person’s head and run away. It’s called ‘Hat Fuckers!’”

Boss of Television: “I just shit my brain into my pants.”

Me: “And THAT’S not even the best part! So, these dudes have a top hat fetish… Each time they come across a top hat they go fucking bonkers and stir their dick parts all up in some old man’s top hat and it could be a season finale! THEY FUCK TOP HATS, BRO! I’m thinking Ford’s Theater.”

Boss of Television: “Green Light.”

I had another idea for a show called “Sperm Burglars,” but the name speaks for itself. I won’t bother you with the details of two gay guys and a lesbian who team up and burgle sperm for the good of mankind.

So there’s two ideas, 20 minutes. How hard can it be to work in television? The salt in these chips is burning the fuck out of the corners of my mouth.

CHIPS,

Gary