CHIP CHAT

Salutations Chippers,

There’s not a whole lot to say about these chips. The bag pretty much says it all: “Late Night: Tacos at Midnight”… or so they’d lead you to believe.

A little while back a friend of ours, the lovely Michelle of internet’s Girls Side! fame, challenged us to explore the specificity of the “at Midnight”. I found this to be intriguing, so I decided to give it a go.

After searching high and low I finally came across a fun-sized bag of this wacky snack and put it to the test. Before I go into detail about the experiment, allow me to describe to you the chip: it’s small, triangular and crispy. Essentially, your run of the mill Dorito. Upon opening the bag I discovered the distinct smell of chit (when a chip smells like shit). A moment of hesitation and the study begins.

The clock on my wall read 11:59pm when I ate my first chip. It sucked. A wave of flavors came over me. None of them good. At first, I noticed the taste of how body odor smells mixed with flavors I could only identify as a poor attempt at Mexican food. I was half expecting this. I quickly choked down the bite and rinsed it away with a chug of ice water.

The clock strikes 12am (midnight). I eat another. Same result, only this time I notice a tingle. During this moment, I’m not sure if it was the magic in the chip or something I was allergic to, but I began to feel my tongue swell ever so slightly. I rinse once more and repeat as the clock turns…

12:01am. I eat another. At this point, I was fairly certain this would be my last bite. However, I was unaware that this may be my last bite… ever! This time the tingling sensation took over. I tried spitting, but it was too late. The chiptoplasm (the goo a chip turns to when munched repeatedly and mixed with human or pet saliva) had already reached the back of my throat and the point of no return was crossed. Now choking, I stumble for my half-full glass of water and attempt to get it down. No luck. The tingling gets worse and culminates in to a near orgasmic sneeze sending all chiptoplasm flying from my mouth and nose. Experiment over, dudes!

In conclusion, I found that the chip tasted no different at midnight than it did at 11:59pm or 12:01am. All though, it turns out that if you eat this chip at any time other than midnight it may try to kill you.

A very special Chips! to Michelle and Girls Side! for recommending such a dangerous chip. We eat them so you won’t!

Chips,

Tevin