CHIP CHAT

Dear Diary,

I had a date tonight. His name was Archer. Archer Farms Buffalo Wing Chips. I met him at Target in Camillus. As I squeaked down the aisle with my red cart, our eyes met and I froze in place. He had a friend with him, Hot N’ Spicy, who was looking at me also. I invited both of them back to my place, but it was buffalo wing that I wanted. I escorted them both to the door, gave the friendly retard with the calculator $5.00 and made my way home.

He told me to call him BW, which i whispered to him immediately. “I wanna open you, BW,” I said. Before I made any advances, I pried open a two-pint bottle of Rogue Double Mocha Porter and poured myself a pint. I pulled BW open and inhaled deeply his aroma. From the smell alone I could almost taste his tangy, spicy flavor.

“Eat me from my bag,” he said.

“No, I only eat chips from bowls,” I replied, chastely.

I poured some of him into a bowl and made my way to the living room. I pushed play on Babylon 5 season 3 and took a swig of my Double Mocha Porter. We were barely through the theme music before he had his fingers in my taste buds. The shock was delicious… His flavor was immense, it took me by surprise and I struggled to maintain control. My mouth was filled with him and I liked it. BW was finger blasting taste buds I didn’t even know I had. Before I knew it he was inside me, becoming part of me, our flavors mixing and fusing as one. I shivered as he pushed his hot, tangy flavor into me over and over.

“I’m so, so close,” I said and before I could bite my lip, I was chizzing. I chizzed so hard I nearly ruined my couch. My pants would surely never survive the chizz stains. BW laughed knowingly. “Yessssss,” He moaned, as his flavor subsided in my mouth. I wiped my lips and chugged the last of my Porter. “I’ll never be the same,” I hissed to BW. BW laughed and fled into the night, only to be seen when I open his re-sealable bag again.

I can still smell him on my fingers.

CHIPS,

Gary